This summer I have not gotten the hours I desired at work. I plan to visit Cambridge, England for most of July. I get paid just a little over minimum wage. This results in money rising nearer the top of the list of concerns.
So yesterday, while journaling, I thought about this and realized that I have not ever actually prayed about what I should do to either make money or not. Why not? Because at the heart of it, I fear that what I want to do may not align with what God wants me to do. And so I take the easy way out but disguise it as being difficult. I go passive-aggressive on God. I reach for his will my way. I do what I feel a Christian should do.
“Wait a second,” I hear you think (remember, most of my blogging bases itself on my reading your mind), “what’s the problem with doing what a Christian should do?”
The problem is that I divorce it from God speaking into my life directly. I forget that God has called me specifically to do certain things and that means that my life looks and will look uniquely different than any other Christian. Sure, sometimes when I consider what a Christian should do I’ll be in line with God’s specific calling but I fear that sometimes I miss out on understanding God’s unique call on my life.
I wonder how often this happens to us as Christians. We can go on (and certainly I have) feeling like we are making excellent life decisions that are inherently Christian without listening to the Lord at all. I am reminded of Francis Chan who prepares to leave his church in Simi Valley to go serve in Asia because he feels called by the Lord. Certainly, if anyone could, he could argue that continuing to pastor (a Christian thing) and support his family (a Christian thing) is the Christian thing to do. Yet he would tell anyone that that would contradict God’s current call on his life.
I know the time has come for me to listen to the Shepherd’s voice more carefully and not fit my life decisions into a template that, more often than not, I have actually created.
How about you? Does this happen with other people or is it just me? Have you ever found you were making decisions based on what’s “Christian” and not on what God was calling you to?